There is something careless about this kind of forgetting, something unpardonable, a great guilt. Her husband, her master. His face has the quality of a blurred photograph, yet she remembers his rough hands. His rough, calloused hands on her soft breast. She shudders. Feeling foolish she starts through the alphabet, trying to associate a name with each letter: Albert, Benjamin, Charles, Donald… It feels as if every last cell of her brain was driven into illness. Her lack of memory fills her with silent dread. Not my mind, Dear god not my mind! She tries to compose herself. Ernest, Frank… Letter by letter she continues to analyze the sounds and impressions. What is this? Dear god. Dear Jesus, sweet Jesus. George, Harold… She begins to suspect the answer is beyond her reach. She sends out fingers of desire, need, thought- tries to project them into her past, pull out something stable. The images seep through her fingers like fine sand peppered with doubt. Irving, Johnothan, Kenneth,. M." Good. The other thing that I was thinking was that it's been ages since I've been birdwatching. I figured we might sail over to Taveuni this afternoon, and then maybe Moira, Saralinda, and I could hike Mt. Devo in the morning. It's supposed to be a really good climb with great birding." I looked to Moira and Saralinda to see if they were game."Can Jake come along?"Saralinda's question surprised me. I think it surprised Jake too, as he kind of looked over at her funny. She gave him a look – the kind of look Moira sometimes gives me – and then Jake nodded. I glanced back at Moira, who was staring at the two of them as if they were space aliens, but then she closed her eyes and a trace of a smile came to her lips.I looked back to Jake. "Sure, if you want to. You're always welcome, Jake. Though I warn you, we'll be birdwatching, so there will be times when we'll be going really slowly and quietly." Um, well, if it's not a bother, Boss, I'll come along." You'll need binoculars, Jake,".
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